


distract our hearts

by milkysweet



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ( brief) Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Post Season 8, allurance at first bc post canon, canonverse, fix it fic I guess, switching POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-19 23:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17011398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkysweet/pseuds/milkysweet
Summary: lance misses allura.keith loves lance.but he gives him space.or -- lance and keith get together after the war, but it takes time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title from youth - daughter

After the war, Lance is lost. 

Allura is gone. 

She’s gone and she’s not coming back. 

She sacrificed herself so that they all could live, so that _he_ could live. 

Slowly, he watches his friends move on. 

They all seem to have found a place for themselves. Allura’s words from that night under the tree come back to him. Back when he told her she’d never be alone. That she had him. 

Lance’s eyes flood and suddenly he can’t see the ground he’s tilling. Angrily, he swipes at his tears with his free hand, heart jolting as his hand tingles as it brushes over the marks under his eyes. Allura’s last gift to him. Beautiful blue Altean markings. Something he doesn’t know what to do with. He’s not Altean. His family is human, that much he’s sure of. But right before she left them, she touched his face and they appeared. _A piece of me,_ she said. 

Lance hates them. Everytime he looks in the mirror, he’s reminded of her. No amount of makeup will cover their soft, blue glow. He can’t camouflage them. He’s not Altean. He doesn’t have their abilities.

It’s not like he wants to forget Allura, but he can’t have a moment without her. Sometimes he wants to just be Lance. Lance, the farmer boy from Cuba who dreamed of the stars. Not Lance, paladin of Voltron, boyfriend of the woman who died to save the universe. 

Hot tears stream down his face and drip off his chin. Angrily, Lance throws down his shovel. He hates this about himself, that he’s so stuck in the past, so stuck on what could’ve been instead of what is, that he can’t go a day without thinking of her. 

Some days, it’s easier. A passing thought as he catches sight of his reflection in the water. A fond memory as he smells the juniberries. A whisper of the wind that sounds like her laughter. 

But some days, it’s hard. Days like today, where he hates himself for feeling this way, for feeling at all, where the longing in the pit of his stomach makes him feel sick, where he avoids mirrors at all costs. He’s always thinking of her. He desperately wants to move on. 

He’s so scared. Scared that everyone will leave him behind. It’s already happening. He can see it in everyone’s eyes, that they miss her, but the ache is dwindling. That’s good. Lance is glad for that. He wishes he could do the same. He knows that Allura wouldn’t want them to mourn her. 

But here he is, doing just that. Mourning doesn’t become him, making his eyes shadowed and his cheeks hollow. She gave up her life for them, for him, and he’s not really even living.


	2. Chapter 2

Ever since he was young, Keith knew he was different. Different in a way more than his purple eyes and dead parents. He liked boys. A boy that liked boys was unheard of to him. As a child, he thought he was the only one. So he kept it inside. It wasn’t hard. Keith always kept everything inside. Push it down, don’t let them get to you, don’t trust anyone. 

That all changed when he met Shiro. Takashi Shirogane didn’t see him just as a troublemaker, the rebellious one, the emo kid. He saw him as strong. Talented. An equal. He didn’t treat him like a problem child the way the others did. So Keith slowly let himself trust. 

He didn’t fully understand what Adam was to Shiro until he casually kissed Shiro on the mouth one morning as he was walking by them. _Oh._ That’s when it clicked for Keith. That’s when he realized: he wasn’t alone. Shiro was like him, too, and that meant everything. If Shiro was like him, that meant it was okay, because Shiro was, in his eyes, the best person in the world. And, at the time, he was also the only person he had. 

During his later teens, it was easy for Keith to forget about boys, boys, girls, girls. He had bigger fish to fry. Like trying to find Shiro, for example. He couldn’t let himself get distracted by anything else. There was a lot more to life than a love interest, he knew that much. 

\--

Lance McClain changed all of that. Eyes like clear water, warm, brown skin, and a laugh that… did things to him. He was plenty annoying at first. A real pain in Keith’s ass, if he’s being honest. Always starting things with him, getting up in his face, crowding his space with his not-so-gentle nudges. 

Only when Keith dreamed about slender hands cupping his face and woodsy shampoo did it hit him -- flat on his back at four in the morning, heart pounding as he pressed his face into the pillow to hide the heat there, he knew. He liked Lance. As in -- _liked_ him. In that moment, though, he knew something else: he would never want for anything more than his friendship. 

That last promise turned out to be very hard to keep. He broke it within a week. He definitely wanted more with Lance. But since that couldn’t happen given that Lance was very obviously and very much crushing on Allura, he modified it. So maybe Keith was allowed to _want_ more than friendship, but he couldn’t act on it. And that was fine. He fell into his role as a friend. Did his heart pound fast when Lance would lean close? Sure. Didn’t matter. Did he care about him just a little too much? Yeah. And what about it? 

\--

Keith thought going away with the Blade would make things easier. It made them worse. The distance led him to the realization that he wanted Lance in a way more than physical. His heart _ached_ for him. He pushed himself into his missions. This way was better, he told himself. Mind busy during the day and body too tired at night to stay up worrying about things. It worked. 

Worked until he really came back, worked with the team again. He had his mom by his side this time and he was older and supposedly more mature, but he felt exactly the same around Lance. 

The day it all changed for Keith was when they were on that godforsaken deadly game show. He picked Lance immediately. He didn’t have to think about it, he knew that he wanted Lance to get out. To see his family again, to live on even if he couldn’t be there with him. He blundered his explanation, heart pounding in his chest because he was scared that they’d all see through him. He didn’t want them to know what he had just realized himself: he was in love with Lance. 

\--

Things got busy for them back on Earth and Keith was able to push that little issue to the back of his mind again. He tried, at least. It was hard to forget about Lance when he was always so loud and bright and his stomach twisted at the sight of him. 

When Lance told him he was going on a date with Allura, Keith took it in stride. He’d known it was coming. He was excited for him. Truly. He might feel a twinge of jealousy, sure, but he understood. These secret feelings of his would be ones he kept forever. He wouldn’t let his selfish wants get in the way of Lance’s happiness. He deserved every bit he could get. 

\--

There was never a dull moment aboard the IGF-Atlas. Keith liked it this way. This meant he could focus on their missions and tracking Honerva and her beasts rather than how soft Lance’s voice sounded when he was comforting Allura or how he’d touch her gently all the time when he didn’t think anyone else was looking. Keith was, and he hated himself for it. 

\--

Losing Allura wasn’t easy on any on them. Regardless of where they’d started, she’d become family to the paladins. Her sacrifice was beyond brave and Keith respected her as much in death as he had in her life. 

The hardest part, though, was seeing how Lance dealt with her loss. He didn’t handle it well, to put it nicely. His screaming sobs over the comms afterwards tore into Keith’s very core, muting his channel because his suffering was too much for him to hear. The dark circles under his eyes were now accompanied by Altean marks that he would constantly brush his hands over. His eyes weren’t dry for weeks. Keith understood was it was to love someone like that and he didn’t know how he’d ever handle loss like Lance had just suffered. But it wasn’t his place to step in, so he kept his distance. Let Hunk, Pidge, Shiro, his family, be the ones to comfort him, all the while mourning her in their own ways. Keith knew that if he let himself get close to Lance his feelings for him would shine through. No way in hell could he let that happen. It made him feel dirty even just thinking about Lance in a romantic way, after he had lost Allura. It was wrong. He couldn’t help it, but he could hide it away.

Keith sought comfort in the fact that Allura hadn’t died in vain. She’d given up her life to save them all, and she’d succeeded. A martyr that ushered in an era of peace between galaxies across the universe. So he did his own part by burying himself in work with the Blade. He told himself he was honoring her, but he also knew, deep down, that he was avoiding Lance. 

\--

One year after her sacrifice, or ‘Allura Day’ as they were calling it, is the first time he sees Lance in months. He looks better and Keith is glad for it. They are all tired after working so hard to start putting everything back together, but the paladins are finally starting to smile again. Hunk has bought a restaurant. Shiro has starting going on dates with Curtis, a man from the Garrison who brings light to eyes the way Adam had. Pidge has her family back and they are busy doing all sorts of things on Earth. Keith learns that Lance is working with them, on a massive farm with Colleen and his family with all sorts of flora and fauna from different planets. People all over the universe are starving after the war and it is more than necessary to start getting food to them. Lance grew up on a farm, so Keith hopes that he likes the life he has now. Prays that he is happy. If he is happy, Keith tells himself, then he can move on. 

\--

Even though he tells himself he won’t, Keith talks to Lance while they’re alone. The rest of the group has gone back inside and the two of them are still here, feet swinging at the edge of the water, staring at the stars and their reflections below. Keith is aware of what he’s doing when he stays out here by his side. He needs to see how Lance is doing, to make sure that his choice to put distance between them has been a good one. 

What he isn’t expecting, though, is that while he is working up the courage to say something, Lance beats him there. 

“I missed you,” Lance whispers, tearing his eyes away from the sky meet Keith’s, which are already on him. He smiles and the marks on his face glow brighter.

Keith startles, blood rushing to his face. He’s grateful for the cover of darkness. Hopefully it also hides the nervous surprise on his face. “I -- I missed you, too.” _More than you know._ He wasn’t expecting Lance to say something like that and now he doesn’t know where to go. There’s so much he wants to say to him, but he’s never been good with words. 

Lance seems to bring out the sentimental side in him, though, and he finds more to add. “You look good.” It’s a statement with an underlying question, one he’s dying to know the answer to. _You’re happy, right? Please, Lance. I know this year has been hard for you, but you deserve the world. It’s okay that I can’t be the one to give it to you. I just want you to have it._

The breathy, heartbroken laugh he gets in lieu of a reply shatters the ice he’s encased his heart in. He can’t stand to see Lance like this. “Do I? Thanks. I found this new face cream and it works wonders.” The look on his face doesn’t fit the words from his mouth. 

Keith swallows, hand twitching at his side. He doesn’t like that Lance isn’t being honest with him. He supposes he did it to himself. He did create this rift between them all on his own. He did it for Lance, but Lance doesn’t know that. 

The lump in his throat won’t go away and he clears it, shifting his weight. He hates how awkward it feels between them, like their relationship is starting from scratch. “I…” He doesn’t know where to go from there. 

Luckily, Lance saves him. Once again. “Sorry. I know you don’t care about that stuff.” There’s the sad laugh again, and Lance’s gaze is at their feet and the shimmering water below. 

“That’s not it.” Keith shakes his head. He doesn’t like the way Lance is speaking. “I just… how’ve you been?” They both know what he’s really asking. 

“Eh,” Lance shrugs, sighs, and leans against Keith’s side. “Honestly, man, it’s been hard.” 

Keith aches to grab his hand, to give him physical comfort where his words are failing him. He sticks an arm around his shoulder instead, squeezing his bicep. He’s grateful for Lance being honest with him. After all they’ve been through together, he’d hate if they truly had grown apart. It’s easy to say that it’s okay to let him go when he’s million of miles away but when he’s with him, that all changes. 

Lance sniffles and suddenly his head is leaning on Keith’s shoulder, bangs falling over his eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—” His voice wavers and he cuts himself off. Keith doesn’t have to hear the rest of his sentence to catch his meaning. 

He shakes his head, looking down at Lance. He wishes he would look up at him, but he clearly is embarrassed to be crying, so Keith understands. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

Lance doesn’t answer, and that’s okay. Keith is perfectly content to sit here with him, just holding him, drinking in his presence. He knows this will never make up for the months he wasn’t around, but at least it’s a start. It was supposed to be a finish, too, but seeing how broken he is means Keith can’t let him go just yet. 

When Keith hears Lance’s breathing evening out, he knows he’s on the verge of overstaying his welcome. “Hey, Lance,” he murmurs, jostling him gently. He’s already missing the warm weight of his head on his shoulder and it hasn’t left him yet. 

Lance makes a soft sound and lifts his head, blinking at Keith with heavy-lidded, tired eyes. “Oh -- sorry -- did I fall asleep?” 

“Mhmm. No worries.” He stands up and reaches a hand out for Lance. He does his best to squash those stupid butterflies in his stomach when he takes it. “Ready for bed?” 

Rubbing a hand over his face, Lance nods. Keith notices how even though he drags his whole palm down his face, he is careful to not touch the marks under his eyes. They’re beautiful on him, Keith thinks, but the way Lance avoids contact with them makes his heart hurt for reasons he can’t exactly place. 

They start to walk back towards the Altean palace where they’re staying. Lance is quiet. Keith is fighting with anxious energy. He doesn’t want to let him go. “Hey -- Lance --” Keith waits until he looks over. “If you ever wanted to come visit me and the Blade or -- uh -- just come to visit sometime -- you’re always welcome.” Keith can’t ask Lance to come. It’s not right. If Lance wants to come, he decides, then Lance will come on his own time. If he doesn’t, Keith won’t force him. It’s an open offer. His promise to help him find the happiness he deserves, if he wants to take him up on it. 

Lance nods, the hints of a smile quirking up the edges of his mouth. It’s been awhile since Keith has seen that expression on his. Nostalgic of a better time. “Thanks, Keith. Like, really. I appreciate it.” It’s not a yes, but the smile on his face definitely doesn’t say no. So Keith will hold out hope. 

They walk the rest of the way in silence and it’s only when Lance tugs gently out of grasp to head towards his room does Keith realize that they’d been holding hands the whole walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a kudos or comment if you enjoyed! it means a lot. thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance prepares to leave.

There’s this primitive network between galaxies that has been set up by the Galactic Coalition (alongside engineers). It’s still in its beginning stages, but it’s basically a way to have a text (or very choppy video) conversation with anyone in the universe. Almost everyone. There are still some parts they just haven’t reached yet, either the inhabitants have no interest in connecting with others or they’re still in the beginning stages of rebuilding so they don’t have any transmitter stations up. 

And guess where the one person Lance really needs to contact is? Yup. In one of those unreachable areas. It’s almost a cruel joke -- when Keith was within reach, Lance took it for granted, and now that he’s gone, he wants him so badly to come back. 

He contacted Krolia -- she’s on Daibazaal -- she said Keith will be be back in two months. She said it as if it was nothing. But it’s _two months._ Maybe that’s nothing to her, considering that Galra live, like, considerably longer than humans do, but it’s _forever_ to Lance. He’s not very good at being patient. 

“Mamá,” Lance groans, rolling over on their rug so that he’s staring up at their living room ceiling, hands pressed over his face. “I can’t do this.” 

From her place next to her on the couch, Veronica snorts. He lifts a hand from his face so he can make eye contact when he sticks his tongue out at her. Yes, he’s an adult. Yes, he’s doing it right. 

His mom looks at him from over her book, expression sympathetic. As she always is. But she’s also probably very done with hearing him complain about this. She was the one who suggested that he take Keith up on his offer to visit after he spent too many days staring up at the sky. His family knows that he loves being with them, but they also know that his heart is with the stars. 

“Then go after him.” 

Lance’s eyes go abruptly from her book to her eyes, meeting her gaze with surprise visible on his face. “I-- I don’t know.” 

“Why not?” 

Sitting up, Lance hugs his knees to his chest. He doesn’t know why talking about Keith makes him so shy. “I just -- what if I’m intruding? He’s with members of the Blade and -- I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right.” 

“You wouldn’t be. He’d be happy to have you there.” Lance knows she’s right. 

Still, Lance finds himself pressing his fingers to one of the marks under his eye. “I mean -- yeah. But… it’s just...” He doesn’t know how to voice his real concerns. They’re too close to his heart to say out loud. _Allura,_ his heart whispers, and suddenly his eyes are stinging. He flicks his gaze to the rug, picking at a fiber there so that he can keep his head down. 

“Lance,” his mom says softly, and suddenly she’s getting up from her place on the sofa, moving to crouch in front of him, to cup his face. His eyes flood all over again. 

“My son. _Mijo precioso._ She would want you to be happy.” He closes his eyes, swallowing hard. “I have seen you shed too many tears.” His mom is perceptive in ways that astound him. Sometimes, it feels like she knows things about him before he even knows them himself. This whole Keith issue, for example. Lance initially thought she brought up the whole visit thing because she wanted him to get off Earth for a little while, but the more she talks about it with him, the more he gets the feeling that… he really wants to see Keith. Simply because he’s him. More than because of any offer. 

“Mamá,” Lance whispers, moving to hug her, to tuck his head on his shoulder. He’s tense with effort, trying his best to hold back his tears. Not only because of what she said, but because he knows she’s right. She had said it before -- _It’s okay to take your time, mi corazón. But don’t hold yourself back from the future._ “Gracias.” 

They stay like that for a moment, until Lance looks up when he hears footsteps. It’s Veronica, crouching down at his side, smiling at him, though her eyes are sad. He’s tired of that look, even knowing that it only means love. She voices this with a ‘love you, bro’ and then ruffles his hair. He has to smile back at that. His family tries so hard for him. It’s time for him to do his part and start trying for them, too.

\-- 

“Oh my god, guys.” Lance shakes his head, pacing back and forth after hours in Hunk’s kitchen with him, Romelle, and his girlfriend Shay for an audience. “What am I doing? Seriously. My family said it was a good idea and Pidge said she’d take care of my jobs on the farm, but now I’m here about to _travel across the universe_ for a guy who doesn’t even know I’m coming.” 

Head buried in one of his fridges, Hunk shrugs. “Dude. This is Keith we’re talking about. He’s always had a soft spot for you--” 

Lance has to cut him off there, cheeks suddenly warm. “--does _not,_ Hunk.” His voice comes out too high and he clears his throat, ignoring the inquisitive look from Romelle. 

Hunk turns around, a jar of dark liquid in hand as he makes his way over to a blender. “He _so_ does. But -- anyways -- my point here is that you have nothing to worry about.” 

Stupid Hunk. Always so calm and kind and rational. Lance is here trying to complain and he has to go and reason with him. “Yeah, yeah. Sure.” He sighs, pausing and shoving his hands in his pockets as he inspects the on-duty staff list. It’s impressive, both the amount of employees he has and also how many names Lance recognizes. He’s very proud of Hunk for that; he was able to make so many friends along their adventures and has much to show for it. 

The blender stops and Lance turns around to see Hunk pouring milkshakes into four glasses. He grins, worries momentarily forgotten. “God, life is fucking good when your best friend is a universe-renowned chef.” 

Sure, they’re just milkshakes, but they’re not _just_ milkshakes. Hunk’s milkshakes have ingredients from all over the galaxy and they’re so creamy and chocolatey-rich and -- “Gimme.” He snatches his glass and sticks in a straw, having a taste but then waiting for the others to get theirs so they can clink them together. 

“Jeers!” beams Shay, clearly proud to have (incorrectly) remembered what humans say. Romelle echoes. Lance and Hunk laugh and exchange glances. The girls are too sincere for it to feel right to correct them. 

\-- 

Once the milkshakes are drained, Lance finds himself alone with Hunk on the private balcony of the restaurant. It’s reserved for special parties, but right now, they’re the special party. 

“There’s no way those were just milkshakes,” Lance frowns, shaking his head and leaning back in his chair. He feels really good, all warm and fuzzy and super low stress. It’s a stark contrast to what his usual mindset has been lately. 

Hunk laughs, and Lance laughs too, though he’s not really sure why. “Dude, I told you last time, did you forget? It’s this Varilian root that adds the creaminess, but it’s also sort of like taking a shot, or a hit, or something in between.” 

“Oh, shit.” Actually, yeah, Hunk did tell him that. Lance remembers now. But he wasn’t _exactly_ paying attention to him the whole time he was speaking? So -- oops. 

Still, it’s nice, even if it’s loosening his tongue more than he would like. “Listen, man. Hunk, buddy. You’re so right. I’ve been worrying about nothing. Meeting up with Keith? It’s gonna be great.” 

Hunk makes a sound in agreement and Lance takes it a cue to continue. “Like -- I really want to see him, y’know? Things don’t feel right without his presence in the background. His weird moods. Stupid mullet that he _still_ hasn’t cut even after coming back to Earth. Arms crossed over his chest while he stands in the corner and broods --” Lance cuts himself off with a sigh, shaking his head. “It’s just been hard to tell myself that it’s okay to do something for myself. Being selfish feels so wrong after --” Even like this, he can’t say her name. “-- what she did.” 

Another sound from Hunk, this one more thoughtful, and he’s nodding when Lance looks over. “I get it. But -- I don’t think it’s selfish. I mean, yeah, it’s for you, sure. But -- Lance -- I’ve never thought of you as selfish.” 

“Still, looking at what you guys are doing, I feel like I shouldn’t be--” 

Hunk cuts him off gently. “C’mon -- you’re so freakin’ self-sacrificing, man. Sometimes it worries me how much you give up for others. I think you’re allowed to have a little ‘me-time’.” 

Lance exhales forcefully and leans against Hunk’s side. “Thanks, Hunk. I think -- I needed to hear that.” 

“Besides, you’re going to be helping Keith with his space UNICEF, right? I mean, that doesn’t seem selfish, even if your motives are just to see him in his sexy Blade bodysuit.” 

“Hunk! Jesus!” Lance splutters, face red, and lifts his head off him so he can slap his arm. “It’s not like that. Can’t I just go visit a friend without everyone acting like it’s a booty call?” _Is that really what you mean?_ says that little voice that won’t leave him alone. _I don’t know,_ Lance says back to it. He isn’t sure what he feels, okay? But that’s an issue for future Lance. 

“But you _do_ admit the bodysuits are sexy, right?” 

“Ugh. If I do, will you leave me alone?” 

“Ha! I knew it.” 

“Hunk!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas to those who celebrate! feel free to leave me a comment -- sorry it's so short! i wanted to get this out before the new year. next update will be longer.


End file.
